LIZ JONES’S DIARY: I hope my new Turkey tooth will make me really feel youthful once more. Then I came upon my lover is engaged to a a lot youthful girl…

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I’m in Istanbul, Turkey. Despite him saying, ‘Let me come to Istanbul. Happy to pay for whatever. 

So at least you could see I mean it’, I haven’t heard from him for 2 weeks. His final textual content mentioned, ‘I feel so low, stressed and depressed I am just trying to get my head sorted.’

I replied: ‘You and me both. Am f***ing devastated.’

I’ve acquired no reply. What about me? No thought to how I’m feeling. And I did nothing flawed!

I’m in a beautiful five-star lodge with a heated pool (however, after all, you understand I’m too nervous to go in it). 

My pal Andrea texts me: ‘Are you having cheap plastic surgery?’ The temper I’m in, having misplaced all self-confidence, that might properly be the reality. 

But no, I’m right here to get Margot Robbie’s tooth. I’ve already requested reception if I can have my hair dyed, be waxed and get a pedicure in between being sedated for the tooth work, simply in case he turns up. 

I’ve pretty tooth, however they had been ruined by anorexia (a weight loss plan made up solely of Cox’s apples and Diet Coke). I had veneers cemented on in Harley Street, however that was 20 years in the past. My gums are receding. I’m right here to make them develop once more. I want younger tooth. Perfect tooth.

Anyway, hiding away in my pretty room, I can not assist however scroll via the surveillance photographs once more. 

I do know I shouldn’t do that to myself, however I’m making an attempt to make sense of what occurred. Him out with a blonde on New Year’s Eve when he’d informed me he was too sick to see me. 

Another girl at his flat all day the next Saturday (in surveillance, it’s known as ‘entering the plot’), when he emerged freshly showered, earlier than leaping into an Uber together with her to go to a bar, heading to a crummy Odeon to see a cartoon when he may have been in entrance of a roaring log hearth with me, surrounded by canines and racehorses.

I pause at a video, one in every of tons of despatched to me by the 2 feminine ex-Met coppers. And there’s the brunette midget, taking an hour to placed on her leather-based gloves, as if she is within the Arctic, not bleeding London. And there, there, I see it. A sparkle. A flash. Or at the least I believe I see it.

I ship the clip to Nic. She isolates two screengrabs. She is superb in any respect the tech stuff; her different title is Siri. She sends the screengrabs to me.

And there it’s. An enormous diamond engagement ring.

He is engaged to the foetus.

Oh. My. God.

As if it may get any worse.

I think about he met the blonde on-line. He says she is ‘gone’. She isn’t actually any competitors, given the hair, the coat, the palazzo pants, the staggering again to his flat. But the brunette is younger, if quick. Lots of males like little girls. They can transfer them round in mattress simply, it makes them really feel highly effective. She has a Louis Vuitton purse.

The kind of prolonged lips you see on Love Island or Grand Designs. He says she is blackmailing him, is ‘dangerous’, so he has to maintain her joyful; and certainly, within the footage of their date they do look depressing.

But there isn’t a mistaking the ring the scale of a hippo on her left hand, glinting menacingly above her pretend nails. I can inform she is excessive upkeep, entitled, hassle.

I had requested him, within the large mattress in my £1,500 suite at Soho House, if he would ever get married once more. (He’s been married twice.) ‘I think I would, yes.’ But he did look sheepish.

Why don’t we belief our intestine extra? Why didn’t I interrogate him extra deeply? And if he’s engaged, why have intercourse with me simply earlier than Christmas, a number of occasions? Why have the horror blonde to remain at his flat on New Year’s Eve?

I discover one thing else. They head again to his attic flat in an Uber after watching Mufasa, FFS. He goes in first, then lets the door swing in opposition to her. Bang! What man doesn’t let a girl go first, maintain the door open? She pauses, then follows him inside.

I ponder if he informed her he was being filmed with one other girl on NYE. That they’ve additionally been filmed, simply now. That he informed me he needed us to reside collectively. Soon after we met, he despatched me a stupendous video, him on the balcony of his previous flat, overlooking the Thames. ‘So lovely here, beautiful. You’re the one factor lacking! But we’ll discover our personal place. I do know.’

Jones Moans… What Liz loathes this week

Hotels. There is a flashing inexperienced mild in the midst of the ceiling in my room. By 3am I’m at my wits’ finish, making an attempt to get to sleep in a disco. A bellboy involves my door: ‘There is nothing I can do. It is policy.’

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